Pregnancy in the a nutshell

I guess I should record some of my thoughts on this pregnancy before it is over. Each pregnancy has been so different for me with so many different emotions. We were so naive with Scott as first time parents and with the assumption that you simply have a healthy child. The pregnancy seemed to go so slow and we were so excited to become parents. Sitting and watching your little one grow up is magical. Every milestone is exciting and new.

When Scott turned 10 months, I stopped breastfeeding and in turn found myself pregnant again the next month. Things were similar for the first 26 weeks and we were excited for Scott to be a big brother and be 1.5 years apart. When Tyler was diagnosed with HLHS it was a surreal feeling. One of the hardest things about a pre-diagnosis is that you try to fathom the emotions, journey and fate of your little one when it really isn't your world yet.

When we were pregnant with baby number three I always felt he was my child of hope and indeed he was. It didn't turn out at all how we ever imagined, yet Carl was truly an angel sent to our family. He taught us more about eternal families and drew us closer to God than we could have ever imagined. We love him and know he is doing incredible things on the other side. I have gotten to know him in a different way than my other children. Throughout the pregnancy, I felt his spirit close and that has not changed since his birth and passing. The Lord truly has blessed us.

So here I am pregnant again. The beginning of this pregnancy was tough. I felt sick for about the first 20 weeks. The key for me was to force myself to eat and occasionally when I threw up enjoyed the relief for a couple of minutes. I tried to stay busy and stay positive. But amidst feeling sick, which doesn't compare to others, like my mom who was bedridden and on IV's her entire pregnancies, I felt overwhelmingly blessed to be pregnant.

For the first time, I felt my body was so tired, which it had reason to be. I have been pregnant every year since our marriage 5 years ago. And to make matters worse, never got into any type of exercise. I have been blessed and at the same time cursed with a body that naturally gets thin after pregnancies. So after this pregnancy, for my own well being, I will be doing something to get into shape and help my body.

I felt severely anemic. My doctor said it was progesterine changes but I knew it was more than that so I increased my iron. Finally, around 6 months, when I was having random palpatations, they did a complete blood panel. It still showed I was severely anemic, even though I felt MUCH better by this point and that I had a hyperthyroid. The palpatations were probably a result of my thyroid. The perinatologist said not to worry about it since it is borderline. I need to monitor it if the symptoms come back. I wouldn't be surprised if my entire family has hyperthyroids.

Around 7-8 months I started getting this horrible pelvic pain which I never had with past pregnancies. The doctors said that with every pregnancy you have your tendons seem to know what to do and it can become pretty painful I was ready to have this child and not be so uncomfortable. Once I hit my 9 month mark my body seemed to be doing well again and I am treasuring the last couple of weeks I have with the two boys. While I am excited to meet the baby, I am truly treasuring the time I have with the boys. It makes me a little sad that my attention won't be on just them. Having a 2.5 and 4 year old is magical when they get enough sleep. We can go and do whatever we want and they are both at fairly easy stages as far as having a normal life goes.

All tests showed that the baby is healthy, but Danny and I know all too well that the Lord will send us the perfect child for our family whatever that entails. I don't really have expectations of what we once perceived to be the perfect child. Of course you want a healthy child, but at the same time, submit to the Lords will and I am at peace with that. I really have no expectations of our child being a girl or boy and it really doesn't matter. I am of course more comfortable with a boy but excited for whatever addition we will have.

I never have a birthing plan which is kind of my motto in life. I couldn't understand how someone felt strongly about what they were going to do with their first pregnancy before knowing what it was like or the amount of pain labor it. I am not opposed to epidurals and would recommend others to get them, but for some reason go into labors with the assumption that I probably will not get one. I don't like not being able to be in control or feel my legs. That just scares me. I got an epidural for Carl which didn't really work. Of course they told me after the fact that that happens after they gave it to me. Go figure. When I talked to them about it with Tyler they recommended not to get one because complications can occur and it would probably not be worth the risk...hmmm, should that advice change with a healthy child??