Parenting Tyler

These pictures sum up Tyler. All in one haircut he can be sweet, cute and lovable, growl like a cheetah, be silly and and think he is the boss. He is a 3 year old creature of his own.

I have been doing a lot of thinking about Tyler, his personality and how to parent him better. For me, those times come when my child is doing something I don't like. Parenting is quite an adventure. The second child is easier because of you are a mommy expert and at the same time harder because all expertise needs to be thrown out the window for #2. Scott and Tyler are similar in so many ways and polar opposites in others.

They are typical boys....cars, trains and GOGOGO without spaces in the middle. They love each other, have each others backs and of course can be naughty together and get really mad and frustrated when the other isn't cooperating, stealing toys or wrecking trains. Scott is way more emotional. He is a pleaser and wants you to be proud of him. The easiest way to change his behavior is to give him a loving hug and show him kindly how it should be done. If I were to do that with Tyler he would be a little menace. He needs time outs and be reminded he is not the mom. Consistency is the magic key and that is NOT my strongpoint.

Tyler has been especially tired lately which usually leads to being whiny and naughty. No fun for anyone to be around including me or his friends who are just trying to be nice. Here are some conclusions about him and my parenting...

Reason #1...He is missing his left ventricle and needs his next surgery. I need to do better at giving his meds morning and night. Sometimes when he is sleeping or when we are running out the door he doesn't get them. Why is that so hard for me? It has never been easy for me in life. I must learn before he gets a transplant or I will kill my child. I will do better.

Reason #3 and the solution to all....ME. He needs a NAP and I am out playing with my boys and socializing with friends, when I should be driving home, getting my kids lunch, reading to them and down for a nap. So as of right now my goal is to go out early for our fun things and home by 12 for lunchtime and nap and happy child afterwards. Naps work wonders for him. Bedtime on time works wonders.

Me...CONSISTENCY has never been a skill of mine, but that doesn't mean it can't become one. I need to be consistent with his naps and with his discipline. It is hard work to be consistent. When you say no, it means no and following through. I can work on making sure I do that all the time, not most or some of the time.

Me...I need to spend 1-ON-1 TIME with him. Scott gets one on one attention and Tyler needs that just as much. The more attention you give your kids, the better they behave. It is an amazing thing about parenting and helps me be a better parent. Tyler and Scott usually do much better at activities when they are not with each other.

Me...Tyler needs his own FRIEND TIME. He has always hung out with Scott's friends. Those were my first friends and hence he has been the little brother. He knew he was younger and thus shares and plays nicely with kids who are older. With kids his own age he becomes a different person. He wants them to know he is boss, will push, throw toys, be a bully. It is so sad. So I am working on having more things for him to do with kids his own age. You know how when you start nursery or playdates your child has to adjust to being away from you. I feel like I am starting all over with him on learning how to play with kids his own age. So I am working on having Tyler things.

After reflection and prayer I have come up with things that might not solve all the Tyler-isms that need to improve, but I know will help. It is sooo great to think about parenting and each child. It is so amazing how the Lord will guide and help you become a better parent. So this is what we will be working on.

As I write and reflect on my Tyler being naughty, I also remember all the great things about him. He is an independent, funny, social, loving little boy. He gives the sweetest little hugs and kisses....We are just working on those hugs and kisses not being after he growls, hits or throws a toy.

I am grateful for AMAZING friends who I love who understand that kids have their issues and realize that the parenting woes are felt by all at different times for different reasons. A friend from downtown Walnut Creek moved and wrote the saddest blog post. She talked about how a group asked her to leave their playgroup because she or her kids didn't fit in. I don't know what happened, but nothing is too bad to be excluded in that way. It made me cry for her sweet family. Some of us are blessed with relatively easy children, and I know some are probably reading this about Tyler and thinking that this is nothing to what they deal with. There are none of us who have a perfect child all the time and to have friends who understand that is the greatest blessing in the world!! I realize that some kids are easier to get along with than others and easier to do playdates with others, however, all kids need playdates as well as their moms. That is a lesson that I have learned in the past couple of years which I am grateful for. Tyler is in a co-op with three sweet, calm little girls. He is probably the most difficult, yet I never felt that way. I am so blessed for amazing friends. They are the best!We all have things we can work on as parents, strengths and weaknesses. The more we learn from each others strengths, the better all of our children and we will do.

On a faith promoting note I might have been the most difficult child around. I was stressed out, mean, competitive, bit my sister and somehow in the end turned out alright (for the most part). I will keep you updated on our progress.