The Ensign

My sister-in-law published a story this month about not gettin along with someone and looking inward instead of outward for the problem and solution. Check it out here. It was really well written and a great life lesson.

Anyway, it inspired me to sit down and write my story. Since I doubt it will ever be published, here it is. It was really fun to write. I used to write articles in college but never sent them in. Maybe I am not as lazy as I used to be. You should do it too. So many of you have such faith promoting stories!

From adolescence, I dreamed of someday being a mother and blessing my children with all the world could offer. My dream became a reality when my husband and I welcomed Scott, a beautiful, healthy boy into our family. Nineteen months later, we were blessed with a second son, however, this time it was different. Many of our initial hopes and dreams to have a healthy child were stripped from him before he was even born.

Tyler was pre-diagnosed with Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome, a severe heart condition. We were given little hope for our son, encouraged to terminate the pregnancy, and told that his heart couldn’t be fixed. He would undergo three open-heart surgeries before age four and an eventual heart transplant. Amidst pain and heartache, we turned to the Lord.

Our ward was wonderful during this time and desired to fast for our family and unborn son. Although we had no doubt in the Lord’s ability to heal his heart, we felt this wasn’t His will and shouldn’t be requested. Instead, we prayed and fasted for clarity and understanding. The answer came in quiet reflection at the temple that his heart would be a heart to heal, a heart to teach and a heart to love. We knew that our son had chosen this mission and felt privileged to be a part of it.

The first months of life weren’t easy. He underwent two open-heart surgeries, had one cardiac arrest when his heart stopped, and had severe liver problems causing heart-wrenching pain. Amidst his health problems, I came to realize that many of my initial hopes and dreams for him were being replaced with far greater ones.

I know his heart was handcrafted by a loving and all-knowing God to heal, love and teach others. His heart condition taught me to treasure motherhood and each day I have with my children. He taught us about the importance of being sealed for time and all eternity in the temple. His journey has testified of faith and peace found in Christ. I know his heart is part of his very special mission and the man he will one day become.

A year later we were pregnant once again. Throughout the early stages of pregnancy, I often heard the gentle whisperings of the spirit that this was a “child of hope.” For months, I interpreted this as having a healthy child, free from the worry and pain that Tyler was asked to endure. Every time I heard this gentle reassurance from the spirit, I grew in faith and felt that everything would be alright.

As prenatal testing indicated major neurological problems with our third son, an unknown life expectancy and poor quality of life, it became evident that my interpretation of ‘a child of hope’ differed from the Lord’s.

Proverbs 3:5-6 came to my mind. “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.”
I knew I needed to seek the Lord instead of my own understanding. It wasn’t until I began to seek with spiritual eyes, pondering the words of scripture and prophets that I began to understand the true meaning of a child of hope.

The scriptures often speak of hope as anticipation of eternal life through faith in Jesus Christ. Moroni 7:41 reads, “And what is it that ye shall ahope for? Behold I say unto you that ye shall have bhope through the atonement of Christ and the power of his resurrection, to be raised unto life ceternal, and this because of your faith in him according to the promise.”

When I read this, the Lord filled me with a greater understanding and hope of His will. I knew that whatever the health of our child or number of days we were blessed to have him, we should have hope in Christ, the resurrection and eternal life.

Carl, my baby of hope, was born stillborn on Christmas morning which was the ultimate testament of his mortal mission as a child of hope. What a marvelous birthday to share than that of our Savior, the true Child of Hope. The morning of his birth, we held our sweet angel, knowing he was in a better place, free from the pain and heartache of this world because of a child born over 2,000 years ago that gave His life so we might have ours.

I miss Carl, but recognize and rejoice that the Lord has blessed me with all the hopes and dreams a mother could possibly desire. I hoped that he would not have to suffer in this life, which he didn’t. I hoped that he would be blessed with a marvelous life, which he has. I hoped that he would fill me with love, happiness and joy which he does.

Although my children have not been the children I ever envisioned, they have been perfectly hand-crafted for my family by a loving and merciful Lord. Some might not consider them perfect, but in and through Christ they are. All children, no matter their health or circumstance are truly children of hope. They are sent into our family with a divine mission and plan. When we seek the Lord for understanding, help and clarity, He will bless us with greater hope than we ever envisioned.