2019 REFLECTION and 2020 GOALS
2019 has been a great year! I feel so incredibly blessed as I reflect on our lives and the year. 2018 was really hard with Blake having such a difficult year. He was angry all the time, couldn't function and really enjoy being a kid. In many ways, it was one of the hardest things to go through as a parent. Definitely harder in many ways than the health issues we have faced with Tyler.
2018 was my year to focus on Blake and giving him my time and attention which he didn't get for so many years because my attention and energy was so focused and drained from my parents being sick and dying. 2019 was being able to see the time, energy, love and atonement heal him. He will always be my serious, sensitive soul but he is happy again for the most part. He has friends and is functioning. I am grateful for the lessons learned that always make me a better person with more perspective and empathy but so glad that we are no longer in the trenches with that. Probably the greatest blessing or change from 2018.
10 greatest blessings that come to mind...
1. Homeschooling Kira and Blake. I use homeschool when needed to have more time with certain kids and it has been a really awesome year to see Blake and Kira become so much closer. Blake was always the odd man out. Kira would hang out with Tyler or be at gymnastics so much but this year blake and kira had each other and that has been an awesome blessing! Maybe the best blessing of homeschool.
2. Selflessness....For me. I have become so much better with my time. Mainly because I have no other choice. When I am busy with good things, it forces me not to waste time. I am not the best parent at sitting down and being present with my kids. I am usually cooking dinner, cleaning the home, doing laundry, etc while they are doing their stuff, but homeschool morning hours has been good for me to slow down and be present with them. Work through stuff with them, read with them, play with them. It is still not my favorite thing to play dolls with Hanna, but a lot easier and more meaningful for me to realize that is the greatest time I can spend and in return that fills me and makes me feel good. That has been a blessing for me this year.
3. Balance...I left Dana Hills to find more balance with work and family and it was a great year with RiverOtters. It was amazing to be done at 10AM to go and play with my kids. I realized the importance or finding and creating that balance. I am coaching at Woodlands this year which will be a bigger commitment but I feel like it is the right thing, for reasons I probably don't even realize. But perspective has made me realize that the time I work will be filled with great activities for my kids. I plan to put Hanna and Parker in some great preschools which I think will be good for them. I like doing preschool with me but I also think preschool is great and will help Parker transition to Kindergarten and Hanna to be with other kids her age which she seems to have the hardest time with. Before, when I worked, I didn't always find the best activities for them. Some of it was there weren't amazing programs close to where I worked and some was that I didn't want to spend the money, but 2019 has given me perspective that I want the best for the kids and they deserve the best. If I am going to work, their time away from me is going to be filled with love and places where they grow and are happy. I am excited that woodlands is close to so many amazing precshools and camps.
4. Middle School Self Esteem....Scott and Tyler have excelled in middle school. Something I have been so grateful this year is to see them confident in who they are and what they want to do. I feel like Scott is in a place where he is comfortable with who he is and doesn't care about what others think or do. That is probably one of the greatest things I want to teach my kids. I see adults who still struggle with that and it makes life so much harder. If they can find out what makes them happy, stay close to God and be ok with that, there is great power in that. Self esteem is something kids need to navigate in middle school which I think is actually a good thing. It takes a lot of talks that it is ok not to be in the 'cool group' and 'who do you really want to be' or 'what do you want to be remember for?' Tyler is naturally more confident and doesn't care what others think as much. He has two great friends who are always over and or he is at their home. They are great kids. Scott doesn't have 2 close friends but consider him liked by and kind to his classmates. Band has been such a blessing for them. They have been in regular band, jazz band and drumline. They are great things that allow them to be involved in good things and shine. I am proud of them.
5. Work...we are blessed with jobs we love that provide for our family. They also happen to provide great work, family balance! I feel like there aren't that many jobs that allow me to be with my kids like coaching does. Danny and I love what we do. Our jobs use our unique skills, allow us to socialize and be with other people and things we look forward to. Very lucky! That perspective hopefully will help our kids seek our jobs which will bring them great happiness and fulfillment. I think some of finding that is prayer. If you seek the Lord and allow Him to guide our decisions I think professions which bring great joy, fulfilment and work great with what life has to offer will just work out. That also means walking away from jobs or careers that sometimes seem like they will be the best job or carreer path or financial reward.
6. A Complete Family. I feel complete! As everyone knows, before Hanna came, I didn't feel my family was complete. It was one of the hardest trials/heartache I have felt. To be able to give my heartache to the Lord. God is great and blessed us with Hanna and I feel complete. I feel excited to not be pregnant anymore and just focus on the kids that I have. I never shut all doors because I don't think you can do that in life, but I feel so grateful I feel complete. Excited for the next stage of life.
7. Friends. I have AMAZING friends! AMAZING! I have countless friends who I can call or text without a second thought who are not just willing to be my village but are eager and feel blessed to be my village. That is an amazing thing. That is something I don't take for granted because I recognize not everyone has that. Our kids help raise each other, we help raise each others kids while loving and supporting the mom 'crazy' we are all in. Homeschooling comes with a lot of self sacrifice. Sacrifice of time but these moms balance that need to be an adult and be with other adults. They don't judge, they love me and my kids for who they are. They are honest, which I so appreciate. They serve. They love. They help. They support. When I moved from Walnut Creek, I mourned leaving my amazing preschool mom friends. It was the best ward and place to raise my kids. I still think that. We had preschools we set up, park/church days depending if it was raining. I was blessed. I feel like I have that same village but with a totally different stage of my life.
8. Home. I love our home. I love the convenience of where we live. My kids can get to their activities and school on their own. It is the perfect space for us right now. We did minor remodels last year like new floors, an island, painted cabinets and it has made me so happy. There are some things we would change. Like the backyard having a little more space, 3 car garage, one or 2 more rooms to congregate to reduce noise when friends are over but we love our home and are grateful for it.
9. Simplicity. We are minimalists and that makes me happy. I can give things away with no guilt or fear of needing it in the future. There is so much joy and peace in that! Going through my parents things helped me gain this feeling. I realized stuff is just stuff and if it isn't currently bringing your family joy or happiness, it can bring someone else joy. It all comes full circle. It helps keep our home uncluttered. It helps me be more generous. It helps us realize what is really important and brings us happiness. Very rarely is it things or do we need more things. I love being in a relatively clutter free environment. It makes me happy. I am a big believer in your environment reducing stress. I have also realized I need to be ok with holding onto some toys for HAnna and Parker. THat is hard for me but good for them.
10. Health. No major health issues. Danny still struggles with back pain here and there but it has been a relatively painless year. It is all relative. He is in more pain that most, but has learned to live with it and try to manage it with a positive outlook. Tyler has been relatively healthy. I am definitely not my healthiest self which is something I want to focus on, but I am not dying or needing major heart surgery which is a great thing for our family!
11. Come Follow Me...Had to Add this one. I have heard a lot of mixed things about Come Follow Me. It has been a HUGE blessing in our family's lives. We incorporated it into our homeschool morning routine with the little kids. It was a great way to have a gospel subject brought into our home almost daily. The older kids was a little trickier because they were gone before I was up a lot of mornings. We usually did a weekly lesson on Saturday or Sunday with them which I don't think was as ideal but worked with our family. I can't describe how the Lord blessed us, but he did! It increased my faith that if we follow what the Prophet asks, we will be blessed. It increased my focus on the simplicity of everyday teaching and focusing on the gospel. And the gospel being more like Christ. I think a lot of people I talked to that didn't like it made it too big of a task everyday. There is nothing wrong with watching videos, reading a ton and making each paragraph into a lengthy learning experience but that is not what would have worked with our family. I heard too many people not do it because it was too much or too hard. It can be simple. For us it was the simplicity that made it so perfect. It was perfect to start Come Follow Me with the New Testament. Following Christ when the New Testament portrays Christ in real life. I am looking forward to another wonderful year and blessings of Come Follow Me! The Prophet and our leaders really are inspired. I am so grateful for all the help they can promise our family!
Things that we lacked in 2019 that I want to make a greater priority in 2020....
1. Health....I am blessed with naturally skinny genetics. That means I can eat whatever, not workout and not be obese. That is a great thing and also a curse. There is a ton of cancer in my family so that means I need to be taking the best care of my body. I feel better when I excercise but struggle with making time for it. I know if I woke up 30 minutes earlier to run, I would feel better. Danny usually swims in the morning which is nice because than he is home for dinner but also makes it a little harder to do a quick run. Homeschooling also makes a perfect excuse for thinking my schedule is too busy. I ran for about a month in September or October of making sure I did 3 mile a day. I felt better, I ate healthier. It didn't take a ton of time and was measureable for me to achieve the daily goal. So I will start that again on Monday and find a time in my routine to do it. If I don't have a time it doesn't get done.
2. Scriptures....With Come Follow Me I let my scripture reading go by the wayside as well as our family scripture reading so we will start afresh with that. Need all the blessings we can get.
3. Rentals.... We really need to work on fixing up a rental that we inherited. I tend to avoid things that seem too daunting. I have gotten a little better at that but it is the year to get the rental under control. For so long, it was being rented for way under market value. That is never a good idea. You get tenants that don't take care of it because they are getting such a great deal they feel they either can't complain or live at standard. Now we need to take care of a lot of messes. We also want to add another rental. I just need to do 1 thing at a time.
4. Parker and Hanna Time....A really hard thing for me with homeschooling is feeling like the little kids aren't being neglected and getting what they need. I have friends whose little kids will sit and look at books or work on letters. That is not my kids. They pretty much have very little interest in learning until 1st grade. They are so busy. I have gotten better at reading to them and they do get better as I spend more time but Blake and Kira will go back to school so I can focus on Hanna and PArker. I feel like I need to rotate the focus on my time and attention between all my kids and can't stay too focused on one or two of them for too long. Someone with a huge family once said as long as you rotate which kid is being neglected, you will be find. It made me laugh but I find that partially true. Maybe not the exaggeration of neglect but definitely having moments, months, years that you can really focus on certain kids that need it.
5. Moving....We plan to move to Walnut Creek thtimis year which is somewhat exciting, very sad and terrifying to leave what we have but ultimately feels like the right thing. Exciting that I feel like it is a great place to raise our family, full of opportunity. Exciting that we get to be close to my sister and her family. Exciting that my kids can grow up with their cousins. My mom had that and I see that when I go to New Jersey and want that for my kids. They have really close friends but I think it would be something I would regret in a couple of years when they are out of the house. Excited to know what we want in a home. I love our home but I think never felt this is where we would be forever. I would have been fine being here forever but there were things we would have changed. I just keep praying we will find a home that makes us happy and helps us raise our kids close to the Lord filled with memories and love.
6. Less Screen Time...My greatest fight as a parent is screen time. I feel like I need to figure out a plan that screens are a once in a while thing instead of something that is an everyday thing. I think we are going to just do screens Friday night/Saturday. We did that for years and then I used it for times when I needed to get things done or when we were too tired to do other things. This break we have really tried to turn off screens and it has been great. We have played more games and had more people over. I tell my kids instead of texting people to invite them over and usually friends can come over. It is so easy to feel like you are making connections via social media or texting, but you aren't. Last night after the kids were out playing and jumping on the trampoline with friends they wanted to come in and watch a movie but I told them we were going to play games instead. We had a great time. Way better time interacting and using our brains than sitting in front of a movie. Thinking of getting watches for the kids instead of phones or phones that has no internet access so it isn't even available.
7. Practices. We have put minimal effort into Danny's businesses. Life is comfortable which we are grateful for but it also makes it complacent. I think it would be awesome to do a little advertising, get websites and an associate so we could get away with Danny more than we do. Putting some effort into that I know would be a good thing.
2018 was my year to focus on Blake and giving him my time and attention which he didn't get for so many years because my attention and energy was so focused and drained from my parents being sick and dying. 2019 was being able to see the time, energy, love and atonement heal him. He will always be my serious, sensitive soul but he is happy again for the most part. He has friends and is functioning. I am grateful for the lessons learned that always make me a better person with more perspective and empathy but so glad that we are no longer in the trenches with that. Probably the greatest blessing or change from 2018.
10 greatest blessings that come to mind...
1. Homeschooling Kira and Blake. I use homeschool when needed to have more time with certain kids and it has been a really awesome year to see Blake and Kira become so much closer. Blake was always the odd man out. Kira would hang out with Tyler or be at gymnastics so much but this year blake and kira had each other and that has been an awesome blessing! Maybe the best blessing of homeschool.
2. Selflessness....For me. I have become so much better with my time. Mainly because I have no other choice. When I am busy with good things, it forces me not to waste time. I am not the best parent at sitting down and being present with my kids. I am usually cooking dinner, cleaning the home, doing laundry, etc while they are doing their stuff, but homeschool morning hours has been good for me to slow down and be present with them. Work through stuff with them, read with them, play with them. It is still not my favorite thing to play dolls with Hanna, but a lot easier and more meaningful for me to realize that is the greatest time I can spend and in return that fills me and makes me feel good. That has been a blessing for me this year.
3. Balance...I left Dana Hills to find more balance with work and family and it was a great year with RiverOtters. It was amazing to be done at 10AM to go and play with my kids. I realized the importance or finding and creating that balance. I am coaching at Woodlands this year which will be a bigger commitment but I feel like it is the right thing, for reasons I probably don't even realize. But perspective has made me realize that the time I work will be filled with great activities for my kids. I plan to put Hanna and Parker in some great preschools which I think will be good for them. I like doing preschool with me but I also think preschool is great and will help Parker transition to Kindergarten and Hanna to be with other kids her age which she seems to have the hardest time with. Before, when I worked, I didn't always find the best activities for them. Some of it was there weren't amazing programs close to where I worked and some was that I didn't want to spend the money, but 2019 has given me perspective that I want the best for the kids and they deserve the best. If I am going to work, their time away from me is going to be filled with love and places where they grow and are happy. I am excited that woodlands is close to so many amazing precshools and camps.
4. Middle School Self Esteem....Scott and Tyler have excelled in middle school. Something I have been so grateful this year is to see them confident in who they are and what they want to do. I feel like Scott is in a place where he is comfortable with who he is and doesn't care about what others think or do. That is probably one of the greatest things I want to teach my kids. I see adults who still struggle with that and it makes life so much harder. If they can find out what makes them happy, stay close to God and be ok with that, there is great power in that. Self esteem is something kids need to navigate in middle school which I think is actually a good thing. It takes a lot of talks that it is ok not to be in the 'cool group' and 'who do you really want to be' or 'what do you want to be remember for?' Tyler is naturally more confident and doesn't care what others think as much. He has two great friends who are always over and or he is at their home. They are great kids. Scott doesn't have 2 close friends but consider him liked by and kind to his classmates. Band has been such a blessing for them. They have been in regular band, jazz band and drumline. They are great things that allow them to be involved in good things and shine. I am proud of them.
5. Work...we are blessed with jobs we love that provide for our family. They also happen to provide great work, family balance! I feel like there aren't that many jobs that allow me to be with my kids like coaching does. Danny and I love what we do. Our jobs use our unique skills, allow us to socialize and be with other people and things we look forward to. Very lucky! That perspective hopefully will help our kids seek our jobs which will bring them great happiness and fulfillment. I think some of finding that is prayer. If you seek the Lord and allow Him to guide our decisions I think professions which bring great joy, fulfilment and work great with what life has to offer will just work out. That also means walking away from jobs or careers that sometimes seem like they will be the best job or carreer path or financial reward.
6. A Complete Family. I feel complete! As everyone knows, before Hanna came, I didn't feel my family was complete. It was one of the hardest trials/heartache I have felt. To be able to give my heartache to the Lord. God is great and blessed us with Hanna and I feel complete. I feel excited to not be pregnant anymore and just focus on the kids that I have. I never shut all doors because I don't think you can do that in life, but I feel so grateful I feel complete. Excited for the next stage of life.
7. Friends. I have AMAZING friends! AMAZING! I have countless friends who I can call or text without a second thought who are not just willing to be my village but are eager and feel blessed to be my village. That is an amazing thing. That is something I don't take for granted because I recognize not everyone has that. Our kids help raise each other, we help raise each others kids while loving and supporting the mom 'crazy' we are all in. Homeschooling comes with a lot of self sacrifice. Sacrifice of time but these moms balance that need to be an adult and be with other adults. They don't judge, they love me and my kids for who they are. They are honest, which I so appreciate. They serve. They love. They help. They support. When I moved from Walnut Creek, I mourned leaving my amazing preschool mom friends. It was the best ward and place to raise my kids. I still think that. We had preschools we set up, park/church days depending if it was raining. I was blessed. I feel like I have that same village but with a totally different stage of my life.
8. Home. I love our home. I love the convenience of where we live. My kids can get to their activities and school on their own. It is the perfect space for us right now. We did minor remodels last year like new floors, an island, painted cabinets and it has made me so happy. There are some things we would change. Like the backyard having a little more space, 3 car garage, one or 2 more rooms to congregate to reduce noise when friends are over but we love our home and are grateful for it.
9. Simplicity. We are minimalists and that makes me happy. I can give things away with no guilt or fear of needing it in the future. There is so much joy and peace in that! Going through my parents things helped me gain this feeling. I realized stuff is just stuff and if it isn't currently bringing your family joy or happiness, it can bring someone else joy. It all comes full circle. It helps keep our home uncluttered. It helps me be more generous. It helps us realize what is really important and brings us happiness. Very rarely is it things or do we need more things. I love being in a relatively clutter free environment. It makes me happy. I am a big believer in your environment reducing stress. I have also realized I need to be ok with holding onto some toys for HAnna and Parker. THat is hard for me but good for them.
10. Health. No major health issues. Danny still struggles with back pain here and there but it has been a relatively painless year. It is all relative. He is in more pain that most, but has learned to live with it and try to manage it with a positive outlook. Tyler has been relatively healthy. I am definitely not my healthiest self which is something I want to focus on, but I am not dying or needing major heart surgery which is a great thing for our family!
11. Come Follow Me...Had to Add this one. I have heard a lot of mixed things about Come Follow Me. It has been a HUGE blessing in our family's lives. We incorporated it into our homeschool morning routine with the little kids. It was a great way to have a gospel subject brought into our home almost daily. The older kids was a little trickier because they were gone before I was up a lot of mornings. We usually did a weekly lesson on Saturday or Sunday with them which I don't think was as ideal but worked with our family. I can't describe how the Lord blessed us, but he did! It increased my faith that if we follow what the Prophet asks, we will be blessed. It increased my focus on the simplicity of everyday teaching and focusing on the gospel. And the gospel being more like Christ. I think a lot of people I talked to that didn't like it made it too big of a task everyday. There is nothing wrong with watching videos, reading a ton and making each paragraph into a lengthy learning experience but that is not what would have worked with our family. I heard too many people not do it because it was too much or too hard. It can be simple. For us it was the simplicity that made it so perfect. It was perfect to start Come Follow Me with the New Testament. Following Christ when the New Testament portrays Christ in real life. I am looking forward to another wonderful year and blessings of Come Follow Me! The Prophet and our leaders really are inspired. I am so grateful for all the help they can promise our family!
Things that we lacked in 2019 that I want to make a greater priority in 2020....
1. Health....I am blessed with naturally skinny genetics. That means I can eat whatever, not workout and not be obese. That is a great thing and also a curse. There is a ton of cancer in my family so that means I need to be taking the best care of my body. I feel better when I excercise but struggle with making time for it. I know if I woke up 30 minutes earlier to run, I would feel better. Danny usually swims in the morning which is nice because than he is home for dinner but also makes it a little harder to do a quick run. Homeschooling also makes a perfect excuse for thinking my schedule is too busy. I ran for about a month in September or October of making sure I did 3 mile a day. I felt better, I ate healthier. It didn't take a ton of time and was measureable for me to achieve the daily goal. So I will start that again on Monday and find a time in my routine to do it. If I don't have a time it doesn't get done.
2. Scriptures....With Come Follow Me I let my scripture reading go by the wayside as well as our family scripture reading so we will start afresh with that. Need all the blessings we can get.
3. Rentals.... We really need to work on fixing up a rental that we inherited. I tend to avoid things that seem too daunting. I have gotten a little better at that but it is the year to get the rental under control. For so long, it was being rented for way under market value. That is never a good idea. You get tenants that don't take care of it because they are getting such a great deal they feel they either can't complain or live at standard. Now we need to take care of a lot of messes. We also want to add another rental. I just need to do 1 thing at a time.
4. Parker and Hanna Time....A really hard thing for me with homeschooling is feeling like the little kids aren't being neglected and getting what they need. I have friends whose little kids will sit and look at books or work on letters. That is not my kids. They pretty much have very little interest in learning until 1st grade. They are so busy. I have gotten better at reading to them and they do get better as I spend more time but Blake and Kira will go back to school so I can focus on Hanna and PArker. I feel like I need to rotate the focus on my time and attention between all my kids and can't stay too focused on one or two of them for too long. Someone with a huge family once said as long as you rotate which kid is being neglected, you will be find. It made me laugh but I find that partially true. Maybe not the exaggeration of neglect but definitely having moments, months, years that you can really focus on certain kids that need it.
5. Moving....We plan to move to Walnut Creek thtimis year which is somewhat exciting, very sad and terrifying to leave what we have but ultimately feels like the right thing. Exciting that I feel like it is a great place to raise our family, full of opportunity. Exciting that we get to be close to my sister and her family. Exciting that my kids can grow up with their cousins. My mom had that and I see that when I go to New Jersey and want that for my kids. They have really close friends but I think it would be something I would regret in a couple of years when they are out of the house. Excited to know what we want in a home. I love our home but I think never felt this is where we would be forever. I would have been fine being here forever but there were things we would have changed. I just keep praying we will find a home that makes us happy and helps us raise our kids close to the Lord filled with memories and love.
6. Less Screen Time...My greatest fight as a parent is screen time. I feel like I need to figure out a plan that screens are a once in a while thing instead of something that is an everyday thing. I think we are going to just do screens Friday night/Saturday. We did that for years and then I used it for times when I needed to get things done or when we were too tired to do other things. This break we have really tried to turn off screens and it has been great. We have played more games and had more people over. I tell my kids instead of texting people to invite them over and usually friends can come over. It is so easy to feel like you are making connections via social media or texting, but you aren't. Last night after the kids were out playing and jumping on the trampoline with friends they wanted to come in and watch a movie but I told them we were going to play games instead. We had a great time. Way better time interacting and using our brains than sitting in front of a movie. Thinking of getting watches for the kids instead of phones or phones that has no internet access so it isn't even available.
7. Practices. We have put minimal effort into Danny's businesses. Life is comfortable which we are grateful for but it also makes it complacent. I think it would be awesome to do a little advertising, get websites and an associate so we could get away with Danny more than we do. Putting some effort into that I know would be a good thing.
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