A Heart Full of Gratitude for My Mom

Saying good-bye to a loved one is probably the hardest thing we will do in this life.  It is filled with so many emotions; heart-ache, extreme loss, peace, comfort in the Savior, and  pain.  Pain of not being able to hold them again, look into their eyes, hear there voice and so much more.  Loosing a mom is essentially loosing your biggest supporter.  Someone who has been with you since the beginning.  Loves you unconditionally, no matter the many mistakes you make along the way. Drops anything to be by your side.

I am so lucky I was blessed with my mom in this life.  I certainly don't feel like I deserved such an amazing mom as she was.  There was never a time that my dad, sister or I didn't come first in her life.  When I worked at Aquabears, she arranged her work schedule to go in early and even skip lunch, just so that it would be more convenient for me to not have Scott.  She flew out to Arizona at the drop of a hat when Heather needed her.  She flew to all my swim meets because she loved cheering me on.  She was proud of me if I got my best time or worst time.  She bragged about us non-stop and while it embarrassed us at times, deep down I knew it was because she was so proud of us.  She brought us to all our events, always working behind the scenes, simply because she cared.  She never did things for others out of selfishness or needing praise, but out of true, unselfish and Christlike love.  She instilled a confidence in us that we were beautiful no matter our appearance or style (hence my ability to go to high school in pajamas and without make-up).

She loved my dad unconditionally.  She and my dad were committed to each other and gave me the greatest gift a child can receive; the gift of a stable and loving home.

She was a friend to all.  She didn't care about status, dress or being in the in-crowd.  She simply cared about the heart of someone.  She would give her heart to all, no matter who or where they came, no matter how they treated others or there many quirks.  And she was a friend that would go above and beyond.  

She was so generous.  Generous with her time and talents and all that she was blessed with.  If someone needed a place to stay the guest room was made ready and hot meals were provided.  For most of my life there was someone else staying at our house.

She just had so much love in her heart that it oftentimes overflowed.

She gave her all to everything she did.  Spending hours finishing meet entries or inputting times into the old fashion time cards.  She stayed up late making gourmet meals to dinner would be perfect.  She went to Shadelands in the middle of the night to shut down a wild party.  She opened our home to our friends, stocked the pantry and gave all of my friends a safe haven to grow up.

Saying good-bye is never easy, but saying good-bye to a woman who you know could't have lived a better, more fulfilled, loving life brings great peace.  There are few things I think she would have changed in her life.  She taught me resilience.  Not to dwell on the past, but learn from it and move on with a big smile.

Instead of mourning her loss, I feel a heart full of gratitude and comfort at this time for the life that she lived and legacy she has passed on.  Gratitude that my mom was blessed with such a great life.  Her upbringing was everything but typical, but she always found the goodness and cleaved to the love that surrounded her.  Her mom and her cousins were a great source of love for her.  They filled her and I am so grateful for them.

I am grateful that I am a better mom, wife and friend because of her example.  I am grateful that she blessed me with the skills to have a stable marriage, endure trials and find the joy and love in life.  I am grateful that she taught me the love that comes from service.

I am grateful for my knowledge that she is in a better place, surrounded by family and loved ones.  I smile to think that she is with her mom and dad and grandparents and Carl.  I rejoice to know that she is freed from the pains that her body so gracefully endured in this life.  I rejoice that someday I will be reunited with her and that families go beyond this grave.  I am especially grateful at this time for my testimony and knowledge of these things.  I am grateful for all who helped me gain this knowledge for myself, especially my God and Savior.

I will miss my mom everyday, but I know that she is close by and her power will continue to bless and touch my life and the life of my family.