Thursday, May 17, 2018


When I teach seminary my entire day goes better. It is amazing to be with these amazing high schoolers in the morning.  I felt crummy yesterday.  Fever, sore throat, so cold. Knew my body needed sleep to overcome whatever bug I had but got up early to teach and miraculously feel so much better!  Spiritually fed and the Lord is able to bless in ways that we can't comprehend.

Grateful for Danny who gets the kids ready and manages the home in the morning so I got to sub today. It is amazing how the spirit guides.  We spent some of the lesson talking about how each of the kids blessed others. I wanted them to know their worth and how much Heavenly Father loves them.

Mothers Day

Mothers day has been hard the past couple of years.  When my mom was really sick, it was hard because it was the reality that my mom's countless energy was confined to a chair.  She was trapped inside a body that didn't work and part of me mourned that for her. 

Then when she was gone, I pained for my dad and for us.  Knowing we were celebrating her legacy.  I am not one to get overly sad or emotional.  That is not my nature but the weekend always just seems a little off for me.  Sometimes I was able to attribute that to not having my mom and others times not so much.  Writing is my therapy.  When I realize I need an outlet I turn to writing.

Danny worked on Saturday.  I shuttled the kids to activities on Saturday and came back and worked on a business proposal and played with the kids.  Evan and Danny took the kids to the new avengers movie at night and I stayed home with Parker and Hanna.  It was a good day but also kind of a blah day.  They cleaned the home for me on Saturday which is my love language.  

Sunday morning we got up to Danny's french toast casserole.  I was fasting to give thanks that my shoulder was getting better.

I went to church and in years past I have realized that Mothers Day has always been kind of a grumpy day for me.  Part of it is missing my mom.  Part of it is wanting a break and never really getting it. The irony of mothers day.  I self reflected on that and realized that is not what I want mothers day to be.

I went to church with the kids. Danny offered to take Hanna but I wanted to feed her before teaching. It turned out I got her poop all over my skirt and shirt.  So I took of her clothes, threw out her shirt, cleaned up her dress, cleaned myself up and was ready for teaching.

After church the kids were all excited to give me beautiful plates they made.  It was sunny out and we took a picture together. We had the Claibournes over and Cynthia who both recently lost moms and we had a beautiful day and evening.

Yearning for Hanna for months made me realize how truly blessed I am! I feel complete with all my kids and am so grateful for all that they teach me and how they help me grow. I am grateful for all we celebrate on mothers day.

Sunday, May 13, 2018


It is amazing how fast sunday sometimes has a theme attached to it.  Last week I was praying about what to do for work and our family.  I am not sure if the Lord just pointed out things to me and resonated a theme for me or if everyone felt what I felt but it amazes me how he answers prayers and fasts.

Testimonies seemed to be centered around change and growth.  In Gospel Doctrine the lesson was on the Israelites having a hard time with change.  They often wanted to revert to their old ways, but ultimately the Lord had greater plans with them that took growth and change.  Relief Society was about growing and not getting stuck. 

They were all answers to my prayers.  I realized the importance and excitement of growth and change.  I look forward to this new season in my life with work and whatever that entails.

Balaam & Balak

I really need to do a better job at recording my spiritual impressions or thoughts in my life.  Today I taught Gospel Doctrine on Balaam and Balak.  Basically Balaam was a pretty amazing, streadfast prophet of God.  Balak was the King of the Moabites who felt threatened by the Israelites.  He asked Balaam to curse the Israelites.

At first Balaam didn't curse them.  But with time and the lure of riches, prestige and honor got Balak got Balam to consider it.  The Lord said no to going and no again.  The third time he told him he could go but wasn't pleased.

How often do we not listen to the answer from the Lord and yet through asking and asking and asking some more get an answer that is suitable or pleasing to us?  The Lord always wants our life to go the absolute best it can.  It made me realize how I need to make sure I am not only listening to Him but also trusting that he knows what is best.

So Balaam continues on his journey and the donkey sees an angel that blocks his way.  Balaam doesn't see it and he gets mad at the donkey for not obeying.  Finally the donkey needs to talk to him to tell him about the angel.  Balaam was too focused on his own desires that he couldn't even see an angel.  It took his donkey talking to him for him to finally be humbled and realize that even if he were to curse Israel, the Lord was the only one who could curse or bless.  His disobedience or cursing, even as a prophet, would not have overruled the Lord's will.

The angel tells him to continue onward but to only say the things that the Lord wants.  So Balaam continues on and instead of putting a curse on Israel he blesses them.  It seems like all is going well, he has been humbled and everything is working out.

However, he continues to hang around Balak and of course with time he succombs the lures of wealth and prestige.  Only to realize that the Lord really is over all and Balaam is killed by the Midianites.

So many great lessons!  We talked about tithing and how sometimes we think that instead of paying tithing we should get that car or something else we need.  I thought a lot about my jobs.  I thought about when I interviewed for a medical sales job and got the job but knew that it wasn't right.  When I prayed about it, I knew it wasn't right.  I prayed that the Lord would take care of it.  I gave my work every opportunity to rescind the offer but they didn't.  Why?  I needed to learn to sacrifice.  I needed to learn the importance of free agency.  If the Lord didn't give me the opportunity to follow the Spirit and not take the job, no matter what enticing offerings they gave me, I would never have fully appreciated how he blessed me in the years to come.  He blessed me with an amazing profession and job at the Aquabears.  He blessed me to be a part of so many kids lives.  He blessed Danny with numerous amazing jobs.  He blessed me with a profession that had a great work/life balance as I was having all my kids.

And now I find myself in the same situation.  After last season, I knew that my time with Dana Hills was coming to an end.  I didn't know why or when but I knew that it was.  It was a job I love, am good at and have fun.  It pays well and it incorporates my kids lives into the job perfectly, but I knew that it wasn't right.

I finally made the decision to write a resignation letter for next year and as soon as I did it was like all the weight on my shoulders was lifted.  I was able to fully enjoy and appreciate my last year there and look forward with excitement what the future has in store.  I am still not totally certain what that is but I do know that it will all work out. 

I keep feeling to be like Nephi in building a ship so that is what I am doing.  I formulate a plan adn then I pray and see what doors open up and what doors don't.  I have my plan for my business.  I don't know what will transpire but I do know that with time a marvelous, amazing plan will come to pass that I am so excited about.  I know the Lord has prepared the perfect plan for me and my family.

There have been several impressions I have received for months that have led up to this point.  Listening to conference there was a talk about growth.  It made me excited to hear about trying new things and getting out of our comfort zone to grow.  I realized that I have done everything I can to grow Dana Hills into what I wanted it to become.

I organized the Spirit Squad to help in the water.  I organized the Otter pup program to be organized and actually swimming instead of just being held.  The first year I was told it was totally organized and efficient only to realize that it was a program that really had never gotten any attention.  We organized it but also were able to set forth a plan for the second year.  Now in year 3 it is a really well run program.  It is so fun to see something evolve and become well run through organization and training. That is what I love to do.

When Danny bought his practice in Walnut Creek, Scott was swimming in Walnut Creek, Kira was doing gym in Concord and part of my thought we would eventually move out there.  It has been something I have prayed about for probably a year.  There are good things about Walnut Creek and there are good things about Brentwood.  Ultimately, I knew that Brentwood was where we should be.  I happened to try out Black Diamond for Kira which has been the best fit and now we are going to find swimming out here which I know will all work out.  Danny's business is great out here.  The location of our home and schools can't be beat.  It is amazing how when you listen to the Lord, you know it will all work out and I am seeing that little by little. 

Friday, May 11, 2018


Three of my kids fasted today.  They decide how long to fast for and if they want to but we encourage them after baptism that fasting is a great way to draw closer to God and see miracles.

Today Scott, Kira and Tyler all fasted for breakfast.  I was so proud of them.  At the end of the fast I asked them what they fasted for and they each said for my shoulder to heal.  I hurt my shoulder a week ago at work to the point I can't do anything.  I can't lift it at all.  I am doing everything 1 handed.  Even moving my body or touching it hurts it.

I woke up on Monday morning and my shoulder was so much better.  It didn't touch it to hurt it.  I could lift it a couple of inches.  It was a total miracle.  I know it was because of the fast.  I told people at work and they of course thought I was somewhat crazy.  I am soo grateful!  I can't explain how grateful I am. I thought I would go the rest of the summer in pain.  I thought for sure I would need surgery.  I was pretty certain I was going to be miserable and not be able to enjoy my kids, holding my baby, getting all I needed to get done around my home, coaching.  The list is endless because of the pain of my shoulder.

Well prayers and fasts were answered.  A couple of life lessons.  Fasting works.  Prayers are answered.  I need to start taking care of my body.  I have not exercised in who knows how long and realized I need to take care of my body.  I take my health for granted.  It is something I need to be more grateful for.  I was humbled with a reminder of how danny lives with constant back pain.  He often reminds me how he just can't do as much or as fast because of his pain and I realized waking up without pain is a miracle. 

So I am grateful today!  And hopefully the rest of the month, hopefully year and forever.