After a lot of reflecting I realized I needed to figure out how to get him happy. Removing some of his anxieties and getting back to the basics of life was the tackle plan. I stopped working, I pulled him from school and I decided I would just spend quality time loving him, hanging out with him and helping him learn skills to get through life. It involved a lot of tears, prayer and direction and I am so grateful for the changes we have seen. He still has his anxieties and needs to learn to control his emotions but is happier. And is learning the skills of life. For that I love homeschool.
On Monday we don't have much that we do and it is so nice. On Tuesday, he goes to Vista Oak which we spend about 30 minutes to convince him to go to. I debate if I should keep doing it or not. Wednesday we do school in the morning, drop off Parker at preschool and then go play tennis and go to Willy's which is a sandwich shop. Thursday we do a co-op which is so fun but Blake is usually too anxious to actually enjoy it or engage in the learning. Again, it takes him 30 minutes just to warm up to the idea. On Friday he had done ceramics which he really likes. I feel like between the activities, learning and Parker's preschool everyone is getting their needs met and it is a great balance of social, school and one on one time. It would be ideal if Blake didn't get anxious going to school but hoping in time that will improve.
The other kids get home and we get stuff done before Scott goes swimming and Kira goes to gymnastics. I need to do a better job at getting their piano in. I notice a big change in Blakes happiness so that makes me happy.
The problem is I turn into a grump when Danny gets home. I realized it drastically on our trip to Los Angeles. I was happy for 3 days and managed totally fine with the kids but as soon as he was with us I expected there to be another me. Danny is a great dad, a great dentist, a great friend but he will never be me. He will never parent like me and I am just coming to realize that that is ok and not something I should expect or get upset by. We have been married for 14 years and I am just starting to realize this. It probably got exasperated with having 6 kids but something I definitely need to learn.
When he got home, I would tell him about all that I did and accomplished, in some ways justifying a needed break. Even if the day went great, I would still create this list of all that I did. I didn't change his reaction. Probably just wanted him to be away from my bad attitude.
The day he got to Los Angeles, I did the laundry and re-packed for the cruise. Packing for 6 kids for Danny is overwhelming. Partly because he doesn't pack but I expected him to be able to help or do half of it. So there I was getting upset that he wasn't another me. I wasn't in a good mood and realized how I went from being happy and managing the kids alone but all of a sudden being angry and upset.
We were both not happy with each other on day one. We talked that night and I realized I just need to change how I think. It isn't healthy for either of us for me to always expect him to be like me. He will never be me. I don't think our marriage would work if he were me. We both have incredible strengths. We also have weaknesses. Our marriage works because we are able to fill in for the weaknesses the other has and support each other in our strengths. I have not been doing that.
So that is what I really want to work on. I want to not expect Danny to be me or be able to manage the kids how I do. I know that he does a lot of things way better with them than I will ever do. I know I will be a lot happier and our family will be a lot happier.
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