Homeschooling The Family

My biggest struggle with homeschooling is dealing with Parker and Hanna while I homeschool.  They have little or no interest in doing school and want me to entertain them by jumping on the trampoline, going on a bike ride, etc.  I am sure it is my doing.

Now that Danny is home, we can get so much done because they are also entertained.  It is amazing how much you can get done when you don't have a 2 and 5 year old being really needy.

I found some amazing curriculum and am excited to finish up this school year with the kids.  I am in awe of how many amazing curriculums there are in the world.  We started a human body unit today that I am excited about. We did an ELA lesson that all the kids learned from.  We are reading story of the world which I love.  They do math independently.  We start our day with listening to a conference talk and journaling. Love it!  Grateful for this time to learn and grow with the kids.  For us to learn to work together (which we need a lot of help with).  My kids love to pester each other.  If that is what we gain the most out of this, that will be the greatest success.  How to be supportive, helpful and kind to each other. How to help each other.  They are all great helpers to others at school.  If only that translated to home but I am hopeful in time it will.

It was so nice that it was sunny today. We sat outside and reviewed all about prepositions and commas with prepositions and prepositional phrases.  It was so nice being on the trampoline in the sun to learn.

Grateful for this time!

Attachment Podcast

This morning, I got up to run.  I am trying to run 3 miles a day this week.  While I run I listen to a conference talk and podcast.  I think it fills some of my conversational needs as an extrovert.  Someone to listen to....LOL!

The conference talk was about the positives and negatives of social media.  Something that is becoming an increasing problem in our society and in my familys life.  It is amazing how we can sit on electronics and get nothing done.  Yesterday, we did no electronics, which is a rule for Sunday and our day was filled with great things.  Instead of being on electronics, my kids were out making up games and jumping on the trampoline.  During shelter in place we haven't allowed any electronics until 4:30 but I even think that is too early in the day.  I think I want to change it to 6ish.  After dinner and after getting all our stuff done.  The kids are of course hesitant, but I know we will have better days. We'll see if I change it.  I don't think there is anything wrong with unwinding or having some electronics but there are so many better things to do. There are so many amazing hikes in San Francisco area that usually take a long to get to but now with shelter in place there is no traffic and they don't take long to get it.  I want to start exploring more.  If we use our time more wisely, we will have more time to do uplifting things.

The podcast was exactly what I needed to hear.  I prayed before that I would listen to something that I needed.  It was interesting because I had tried to listen to a couple of things but it wouldn't connect and then I connected to one.  I really feel like it was an answer to that prayer.  It was on 5 keys of a relationship and exactly what I needed to hear and helped me so much with understanding Tyler and Danny.

Tyler really struggles with attachment and the more I have thought about that, the more I realize so much of it has to do with childhood detachment.  She emphasized the need to attach from day 1.  Something Tyler didn't have the opportunity to do.  He was rarely held.  He was hooked up to machines for a month.  When we took him him, he was so sick.  He has undetected gallstones and cried for the first 9 months of his life.  When you are in chronic pain, you can't attach, even when you are being held.  You are being held, but it is all consumed by pain and crying.  Tyler has the hardest time showing positive attachment behavior.  He does things that result in detachment behavior from me, Danny and his siblings.  Whenever, I pray about how to help him, it is an overwhelming feeling of love him.  Increase love.

 She said something that gave so much hope.  When someone has gone through some type of attachment trauma as a child, increasing love and attachment can slowly diminish the effects of the lack thereof as an infant or child.  It was so powerful.  Danny has a lot of childhood attachment trauma as well and it is still so evident in his adult life.  It is amazing how much children absorb.  It makes me want to be a better mom.  Give more love to my kids.  The influence will be with them forever.  Also, realizing there are things that I wish I did better.

The first two topics she discussed were attention and acceptance.  What is attention?  Some think it is just sitting and listening but really is can be so much more.  It is going out of your way to give your 100% attention.  It is me going in the garage to see what he is doing not just waiting for him to show me.  It is me taking part of what he is doing.  It is being involved in his life.  I would love consider myself an overly loving person at all.  I am probably quite the opposite and that is exactly what Danny doesn't need.  He often says I don't listen, don't really care. I have always made fun of him for that and we joke with friends about how much he needs/craves that but the reality is he needs that not because he is being needy but he is trying to heal from what he lacked as a child.  I am sure my kids lack that as well because I am not the most emotionally loving mom so I have an increased desire to give that to my kids.  Whether it be being involved in what they are doing or just finding a little bit of time each day to have quality time with them.

The second point it made was acceptance.  She gave the example of a girl wanting to go to art school.  Her dad had a couple of options.  He didn't want her to get a career in art for various reasons.  He could have decided to not allow it or accept it at all, he could have decided to allow her but not support her, he could have paid for it but made it known he didn't really approve or he could have accepted her for what her talents were and encouraged her to pursue something she had talents and passion for.  Now, obviously, we can't accept everything in everyones life.  If someone makes unhealthy decisions that is one thing, but accepting them for who they are and what their passions are is so powerful.

My sister shared at my dads funeral how her parents encouraged her to go to college and be a broadcaster.  She majored in broadcast journalism, got internships and was so excited for her future.  In reality, she said they might have thought that isn't the best career path or might have some obstacles to overcome but never once mentioned or maybe even thought any of those things.  At least to how they chose to parent and encourage her.  And that is so true.  When I quit swimming in high school, my mom let me quit.  She wanted me to be happy.  When I wanted to change my major from business to psychology, my parents told me to major in classes I was passionate about and it would all work out.  When I went on a mission and decided to switch what I wanted to do, they didn't think anything of it.    They accepted us for who we were.  They wanted us to either have a job or do a sport in high school.  They didn't care what it was, they just wanted us to manage our time well and be busy.  I swam and my sister ended up being an intern for the local radio station.

Danny loves mechanics.  He likes being in the garage and fixing things.  It is an amazing outlet for him.  It reduces his stress and helps him.  It has been a great blessing in his life and for our family.  Growing up, he probably used the garage as an escape and as an outlet but he often felt like there was pressure on him to do other things.

It really helped me know how to be a better mom and how to be a better wife.  Attachment is such a huge thing in Danny and tyler's life.  Something I know I need to go out of my way to increase and heal trauma.  I am grateful that there are so many amazing experts to help teach and guide.  I am also so grateful for the Spirit that really impacts me on what I need to hear and how I should bring that into my home.

Schooling

I was at the dollar store yesterday getting paint for my kids since I have no idea which box my paint is in.  There was a lady in front of me with a 2nd grader.  He was sweet and asked what the plastic eggs were for.  It was kind, respectful, not how my kids would probably ask.  She was beyond frazzled.  Expired. Done. Mumbling to herself. Frazzled. I get it. I have been there.  6 McMillans in the dollar store can easily get me to state of mom frazzle. 

She continued to kindly, in her mom frazzled state explain to her son that she was done.  She had just finished doing his school with him.  It did her in.  She couldn't answer one more question he had for her. He just needed to stop asking any questions. Stop talking. Just leave her in peace.  He looked bewildered and confused. 

I wish I could have helped.  I wish I could have talked to her and told her it was going to be alright or tomorrow instead of doing whatever was creating this state, to just play some games with her son, play scattegories for his spelling, go on a bike ride of his P.E. and just enjoy this time she might never have again with her son.  It is easier said than done.  I get it.  My kids all have their unique challenges with schooling.  I have absolutely no judgement of this mom, who I am certain was doing her best. I have no idea what her day looked like or her challenges may be.  I have no idea what her talents and comfort level of teaching are. 

With that said, I have pondered a lot about what families have been thrown into.  I feel like our society in some ways has gotten so stuck in herding mentality.  This is how school looks like and that is the right way to do it.  So much of the creativity and reasons behind learning are lost.  I feel like I continue to learn that.

  Two things that friends have said these past two years resonated with me.  One was when we at Yosemite with Shawna.  Our kids were climbing on some pretty large boulders.  I don't usually get nervous, but I really hoped they didn't fall.  Shawna said this uses the same part of the brain that common core math is trying to teach them just in real life.  She is a therapist and knows where more about brain development than I will ever know.  I realized that math isn't about knowing what 1+1 is but about having the brain figure out things.  In this case, the brain figure out what is safe and what isn't.  What the best boulder to climb on next to get to the desired destination safely.  Using your brain to logically solve problems.  My brain started to look at education a different way. 

The second comment came when we were talking to friends about our kids reading.  I used to think that kids should read books that are their level.  The reality is kids are comfortable reading books lower than their level or reading books they really like.  My kids are pretty high level readers but Scott is really the only one who enjoys or is comfortable reading at his level.  I realized it is better for my child to love reading.  Love what reading can give to them that is far better than the vocabulary lesson they might be gaining with a higher level.  Kira got the Ramona book series from Heidi about 2 weeks ago.  It was probably about 10 books and she got up every morning and spent 30 minutes each morning wanting to read.  She went to her room to read.  Now she is reading Harry Potter, by choice because she loves it.  Same with math.  Blake was getting frustrated with math, so we went back a couple lessons.  Kira wasn't liking math so we found a different program.  There are so many amazing programs out there at our disposal.  Especially with the shelter in place.  So many companies and people are offering great programs for minimal cost of free. They are exciting, fun, interesting ways to learn. 

My boys had two weeks off for Spring break and then a week for their teachers to get their curriculum set and last week was their first week back at school.  I told them we would see how it goes and then either homeschool if it was a lot of busy work or adapt to our families needs.  I am excited for these next couple of months of learning.

I feel like we are getting into a good routine.  In the morning we get up and do Come Follow Me or Listen to a conference talk.  For writing, they write in their journal.  I think those two skills or reading scriptures, starting with prayer and getting in the habit of journaling could be the greatest thing they learn at this time.

For social studies we are doing Story of the World.  I love it.  They all seem to enjoy it.  They have fun activities that we sometimes do and sometimes don't.  I am hoping to do at least 1 fun activity a week or give them the option of doing them.  They have great cooking lessons or building lessons that revolve around the lesson.  It is learning they all love.  Yesterday we learned about England, King Richard, George, Nottingham and Robin Hood.  Stuff I was interested in.  Love Story of the World.

We are starting a science curriculum on the human body that I am excited about.  I have an interactive notebook I bought off TPT and going to combine that with G&B.  I hope it will be engaging and fun and something that gives them a love for science and the human body.

A couple months ago I switched to Beast Academy and I think I am going to buy the pre-algebra for Tyler and Geometry for Scott.  They aren't doing much with math right now and I think it would help both of them to do math for 15 minutes a day.  Still undecided on the older boys, but I think that is the plan.  Love Beast Academy for my younger kids.

Going to use Good and Beautiful for ELA for Blake and Kira.  My boys need grammar help so they will probably do that with us.

We got a vocabulary workbook I really like.  We go over the words together as a family and it is usually pretty fun. 

We need to get in a better habit with piano. Scott does pretty good but everyone else has gotten lazy.  With Danny home we just need to get back into the routine of piano. 

Last, I want Scott and Tyler to do Spanish 1.  It would be pointless for them to take Spanish 1 in school since they comprehend but need the foundations.  I found a program that I think I am going to use.  It is not a huge company or school but seems good.  I haven't pulled the trigger yet, but think I will buy it today.

I don't know how long the shelter in place will last but I told them that even if it goes through the summer, we will be using some of our day to learn and grow as a family. 

They get to do electronics after 4:30.  Electronics has to be all in or all out for me.  I am not good at saying no or monitoring all of them so if they know that their other stuff needs to be done before electronics and they can't go on before 4:30 it makes it easier for all of us.  It seems to be working well. 

If we move, we have a lot of projects that we are going to do.  We need to put up a pool fence, want to do solar heating for the pool, garden beds, maybe make a table for outside.  Things Danny will be great at if he isn't working yet. 

So that is the plan and I feel so grateful for this time.  So far it is going well.  Blake it is the most challenging but he is always the most challenging.  His anxiety turns into an inability to do anything.  His brain get worked up that he can't do simple tasks.  I debate medicating him.  He is doing so much better but I wonder if he would do better and be happier with medication. We shall see.  I know there are pluses and minuses and just want him to have the best life that he can have. 

Boxes and Moving

Danny wrote a little about our moving situation.  We were all cleared with our mortgage, supposed to sign loan docs on Saturday and found out Friday that our loan got pulled.  It was stressful.  After gathering information, I had hope that the mortgage company really closed its doors to the majority of small business owners.  Our broker said that with our reserves, they should have closed the deal so he restructured the loan, which he felt would do nothing and moved onto applying for a loan with quicken which still seems to be giving loans to small business owners.  They called Danny's work and found out that he wasn't working at full capacity.  It really stressed Danny out but I was surprisingly at peace about the whole thing.

The thing I was most stressed about was knowing what to do with our tenants, so I called them up and they were stressed but have a little more time for this loan to go through.  Not ideal since they have to be out of the 1st but still seem interested.  Some because of things beyond their control and some because they still really like the house.  I love the home and was bummed to think that maybe we wouldn't get it.  The sellers wanted us to take a mortgage with them, with a higher interest rate and the idea to refinance in a couple of months when we are working again but we both knew that was too risky.  We didn't mind putting half down or the interest rate for a couple months but were not willing to gamble that in a couple months we would get a loan or what the interest rates would be.  We were find that if they wanted to move on instead of giving us an extension, than that is what was meant to be.  They gave us an extension so that was step one.  I wrote a letter explaining that we were financially solid and had hope that another lender was still granting loans to small business owners and reminded them that in this economic climate, this could happen to anyone, which is sad but true.  Companies are decreasing salaries, furloughing a lot of people and having hiring freezes.

Someone told me about how her sisters company told everyone who makes above a certain amount is getting a 30% decrease in salary.  Another company put a freeze on all new hires.  People who have probably moved or in the process of moving, gave their employer notice and now have no job.  The ripple effect of this will be everywhere.  It hasn't hit the housing market yet but it will.  Especially in this area where you really can't buy a home with any contingencies.  Most people have to qualify for a home without needing to sell their current home.  So there is a handful of buyers out there who are financially ready to go, but there are also buyers who are unwilling to make large financial decisions right now, losing jobs, getting pay decreases and mortgage companies who are unwilling to lend.

It has been an interesting time in the mortgage industry.  I am not expert but it has been fascinating to me to see what is going on.  Interest rates went super low, tons of people refinanced at these great rates and then within a week they bounced up almost an entire point. Something that never happens.  So you had people locked in and then you had companies unwilling to buy mortgage backed securities since the rate they were buying them up for was so much higher.  It made them cash strapped.  You then throw the governments safe holds on top of that and people are told they don't need to pay their mortgages for 6 months and can't lose their homes. I think at this point most people are paying their mortgages who can because of penalties that people are still accountable for. With that said, nobody knows if those penalties will be taken away.  I would assume not to safeguard mortgage companies, but you just never know and that along with people who really can't pay mortgages and the thousands that are losing their jobs have put mortgage companies in panic or taking extreme precaution which I understand.  We have never had so many people unemployed.  The ramifications haven't hit yet in most sectors of that but if this keeps going, which it could, there will be huge ramifications.  I think you will see a change in the housing market in the next 1-2 months.  The market needed a correction anyway, but it could happen real fast, real soon.

We still feel good about buying our home.  We knew when we bought it that the market was going to correct.  We didn't know when or how bad, but we felt like it logically was due.  If we didn't love the home or feel like it was within our means, we would have pulled out of the deal.  But we love the home.  We feel like it will be a great home to raise our kids and be part of an amazing community.  And ultimately it feels right for reasons I am sure we aren't even aware of.

I am grateful for prayer.  We have placed it in the Lord's hands.  If it is meant to be, we feel like it will all work out and if not, we will stay here and find another home sometime in the future.  We would probably wait a year or so, let Tyler finish middle school here, and let the market settle but I really don't feel like that is the plan, so we shall see.  I am grateful that I am at peace with whatever happens.

Danny is at peace as well. I think once I told him that if it doesn't work out, we just stay here, he felt better knowing that was the worst that could happen.  He is having a harder time than me I think.  A lot of that is because he really misses going to work and doesn't have his hobbies to work on because we are all packed up. 

We spent a day moving a lot of boxes to the garage and organizing some in the family room to make things more manageable to live in and after we did that, life was so much better here.  It felt like the walls were closing in on us, but now we can live. There are still a lot of boxes in the living room and our kitchen stuff is in boxes along the wall in the kitchen, but it is manageable.  So we shall see what this week brings.  I feel good. 

Danny laughs at me because I still like to see what is on the market in Walnut Creek and what is selling and it makes me love our home more and more.  It just confirms to me that it is the perfect home for us.  I prayed that we could have a home where our kids would want to be and where we could have other kids over, and I really feel like it is set up perfectly to do that.  We got back into the swing of school last week.  I am organizing some classes I want Scott and Tyler to take and excited for that.  That is for another post. 

Financial Decisions During Shelter in Place

We have completed 3 weeks of shelter in place.  Maybe 4.  I can't even remember at this point. It is all a big blur.  The first week or two was stressful with Danny being out of work and the implications of that but now that has just become a reality and I am at peace.  I think we are both at peace financially because it won't have a lasting effect on us and we own our businesses.  Even though we have more expenses like paying rent, etc. we have job security. There are so many pros and cons of being small business owners and this is one of the pros.  I don't know how many dentists will be able to keep their associates after this. I would hope most but there is security in knowing you have a business to go back to once things open up again.  I am grateful that we live the way we do so that we will be able to pay our bills and we are prepared. I know a lot of people aren't as fortunate and that makes me sad.  Really sad and concerned. I find myself praying often and have such a heightened desire to support small business.

It has been a good opportunity for our kids to realize that if you listen to the prophet, save and live within your means, times like this can be weathered without extreme financial anxiety. It has been good for them to realize that when you are out of work, you cut back on expenses.  We don't go out ot eat, we make simple meals, we make limited purchases.  Really only things we need.  Did we have to change our lifestyle?  Probably not, however, that would be negligent and against the principles we believe in.  It would be a huge missed opportunity for our kids.  So the couple times they complain that they can't get something, we look at it is a huge blessing and teaching opportunity.  I am certain they will go through financially hard times as a young adult or adult and I hope this will help them realize you just "hunker down" as we are calling it and make it through with peace and faith.  I feel like this is simple a sign of the time and every generation is going to continue to deal with things like this more and more.  It will become reality.

 So overall, it will be a good life lesson for our family.  I am grateful for a prophet who gave us council to live within our means and have at least 6 months of reserve.  It gave me increased peace that as we listen  and follow him, things will be better. 

On hold

Hey.  The loan went from "clear to close" to "maybe," at best.  It's been real stressful for me.  But here are some fun pictures of the kids while we've been living in bunker hunker-down mode.

Mister doing his favorite thing:  sitting in front of the TV.

Food storage for the win!  Strangely, the flour and oats smelled like apples.  The rice was pretty good. 

Hanna's into getting her picture taken.  This is with bounce flash and 24-105L lens.

Tyler working on a Metal Earth stainless steel star wars jet during conference.  These kept the kids busy even though I had to help everyone, Blake the most. 

Kira with Buster, our feral cat, who's since been domesticated and is the most docile animal we know. 

Scott's completed x-wing fighter

Blake and I made cinnamon rolls.  They didn't turn out how we'd hoped.  I blame the flour from our food storage, but the kids gobbled them up anyway.  I added cream cheese to the frosting and it was tasty.  Heidi took these with the pop-up flash. 

Blake was excited about his Metal Earth kit even though I built it almost entirely myself. 

This is with 50 mm 1.8 and natural light.  You'll have to excuse her messy face because that's just how we roll.  Also, this is how she wanted to pose.  Already a diva. 

Suzie is not as social as Buster but acts like Alpha cat and marks her territory on the landing.  It's obnoxious. 

That's all for now.