Home schooling

I have spent the week researching home schooling the kids.  I have the most amazing friends who took time out of the busy days to talk to me, to meet with me, to just answer questions or let me talk and process my thoughts and ideas.  The past couple of months I feel like I have been so much more home bound than usual.  I used to love going to the gym to work out and talk and process ideas and life with friends.  Since I started working, I have spent the mornings with blake and parker, cleaning the home, prepping dinner.  I think some of it is that I get social interaction at work or outside the home. Sometimes I think it is dealing with the emotions of my parents deaths and the toll of caring for them.  Sometimes I wonder if staying home is a form of depression.  Probably.  The funny thing about life and emotions is you never quite know why your body reacts or craves certain things.  But getting to the gym and being with friends in the morning was so healthy for me.  Something that I love.  I am soo blessed with amazing friends.  Women from all different aspects of my life who I just feel are the most amazing women.

Some women have a certain group of friends who is there circle of friends.  They go on vacation together, they always get together with the same women.  I don't have that in Brentwood.  I feel like I have women who I can call on at any time who are true, genuine amazing friends but not a part of a group of clique.  And I really love that about my friendship circle.  I feel like my mom was the same way.

Anyway, I talked with two this week, who I have always looked at as amazing women and who I just love being with and realized that this is the village I would love to raise my kids alongside.  I yearn for the time with my kids to just sit and read a book.  I used to have that with Scott.  Life was simpler when they weren't so involved in sports and after school activities.  I read with him for 30 minutes each day in 1st grade.  I have maybe read to Kira 5 times since being in 1st grade.  How sad is that!!  I want that time again.  The thing I LOVE about her gymnastics is the quality time we get in the truck together.  We get to talk, play games uninterrupted.  She comes to work with me and gets to be a part of my work.  She is welcomed, loved and just hangs out.  It is quality one on one time and I have seen it change her, bless her and fill her.

I had that with Scott when we went to the pool.  It was amazing.  He loved it.  I don't know if he realized he loved it but it filled him and it filled me.  We would go and get sodas when we filled up the truck at a certain gas station and talk about life. There weren't other distractions, just the two of us.

It is funny how I questioned driving 30 minutes away to work and how it has turned out to be quality time with my kids.  I had to make some adjustments of not working with the seniors to include Kira in the journey, but once I did, I felt peace and balance.  I was blessed for putting my family first.  I miss a couple of days of dry land but it is ok.  It all works out.  It is amazing how the Lord truly has blessed and balanced my life.

And the blessing of the truck.  The world is focused on material items. I drive this beat up, small, clunky old truck of my dads.  It has been a blessing that I didn't even realize I had.  In it lies the greatest blessing of being able to sit and talk with my kids.  I love that life lesson.  Sometimes when we forget what the world says is important and focus on what really is important, miracles can be seen.  That truck has brought me blessings that my cars could never have brought me.  How I love that little tuck for that.  In some ways I feel like it is symbolic of a lesson that my parents instilled in me and my sister.  That family is the most important.

So my search and pondering continues for home schooling, but my heart is starting to see and yearn differently than it once did.  I leave it to the Lord to continue to guide me and open up my kids heart to feel and see what He wants as well.  I know as I continue to pray, we will be guided.  How grateful I am for that.

Sometimes I see areas where I feel like I was wiser months or years ago and need to improve.  But one thing that is evident in my life is that I trust in the Lord more than I used to.  I still have a ways to go.  A long ways, but I trust more than I once did and that leads increased patience and peace.  I had to make a decision for work, I made appropriate phone calls, was open in my dialogue and did all I could and then left the decision in some ways to others and the Lords hands.  Praying that it would work out how He wanted.  And it brought peace.  When we include prayer and the Lord in our lives, it really does increase peace and faith.  I know He is aware and will bless my family and my life regardless of the outcome.  I love that!

An update.  A day or two after writing this, I went to a multi faith Christmas concert to watch Danny sing.  After 3 hours of church, the last thing that you sometimes want to do is go to another 1.5 of sitting and quieting kids to listen but I knew that it meant a lot to Danny and would be a nice event to at least give a go.  We lasted through a couple of songs and then the baby and Blake became restless.  I don't have kids that will just sit.  It is not in their DNA.  We work on it and eventually they get better but man am I sometimes envious of those babies or toddlers that just sit.  But at home I am certain I would not be busy enough.

So I go into the hall and a couple of minutes later the other kids come out and the sweetest lady came into the hall to talk to me.  She said she just felt like she should see if I wanted some help since I was alone.  So sweet.  I was good, the kids were pretty good.  I thought she was someone else and so asked her if she homeschooled, which she did and she talked and talked and talked about her experiences and listened and was a sounding board to my ideas.  Then another friend came up who used to homeschool and it was such a great conversation.  I am aware the Lord listens, provides guidance and people as sounding boards.  She was so good at not suggesting, but instead just sharing with me to pray and seek guidance and trust.

I called the charter school the following day and they have one kid on the wait list and said most certainly Scott would be able to get in at the semester, so I am 90% sure I am going to try it with just him.  The one thing this mom said was to just do it with Scott in the beginning to get used to it and that is something that a couple of people have said and I feel good about.  So I think just Scott and I are going to give it a go and see how it goes.  If it isn't something he wants to keep doing, no big deal and if it is, then I think it could have a lot of great things come out of it.